Remember that PDA problem?

Well, it closed! I just couldn't wait to tell you that I've grown up just a little more today.

The doctor says this is a big milestone and will help in a lot of ways. I already have an easier time breathing!

Just so you know how special this is, let me tell you what the nurse said about this medicine. She said they sometimes have to give three rounds of three doses each before it closes. And even then, it doesn't always work. The next step would be to transfer me to a bigger hospital in Salt Lake City for surgery. I guess God knew that I liked being close to my family!

I had two doses of the medicine before an x-ray revealed that it had closed. They'll still give me a third dose to finish up the round and after that, I get to start having my mommy's milk!

Thanks for your prayers everyone!

It's hard work being 10 (days old)

Actually, I don't know if I'm 10 days old, or negative 3 months, but either way it's tiring being this small.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate a little bit of hard work now and then, it's just that I don't think my parents agree, and I'm worried about them.

Take yesterday for example - I had been relaxing most of the day when my parents came and visited me. I had just had an x-ray that revealed some developing lung and I thought it would be a good time to demonstrate how well it works.

Okay, so maybe it was a bit early to be showing off, because as soon as mom and dad got there things didn't go too smoothly. Actually, I was breathing just fine, but my heart wasn't ready. You see, there's a duct between the heart and lungs that is supposed to close when you're born. Mine hasn't. So after working my lungs hard to get oxygen in my blood, that blood would just flow back and forth between my heart and lungs and wouldn't circulate.

Sorry for all the complicated details. If you're curious, Dr. Simmons said to look up PDA on the internet.

Anyway, I tried to show off to my parents, and the nurse had to kick them out after a few minutes because she couldn't get things under control.

I'm sure we'll all laugh about it later, but you should've seen their faces! They were as white as hospital walls and I could hear their hearts pounding from the waiting room.

Things are under control now and I'm taking some medicine to close that PDA. It shouldn't be long now. I'm just glad my parents kept coming back to see me, and that I didn't scare 'em off for good!

And I'm REALLY glad that I have so many people praying for me. Some of the doctors and nurses are sometimes baffled by how well things are going for me, some hesitate to attribute my progression to Heavenly Father, and some know exactly why I'm doing so well. I think I've been doing a pretty good job of showing 'em all what miracles look like.

I love you all!

Marshall

Post-Christmas Lethargy

I bet you're surprised I know the word lethargy. Well, anyone with access to the internet and a good spell-checker can seam smart these days (whoops, I mean 'seem').

But seriously, even my leg has been falling asleep constantly since Christmas. It started to turn a bit blue yesterday and kept getting worse. But don't start worrying about that, it's back to the same pink color as the rest of me. I don't quite understand it, but my doctor said the line that goes in my umbilical artery was reducing the blood supply to my leg. All I know is that he pulled it out and my leg feels much better (but not before that prickling feeling you get after riding on your daddy's shoulders too long).

With that tube gone, I felt much lighter and better. I have to say, it's a bit awkward to have tubes coming out of your belly button when family comes to visit (and is that an innie because it goes inside me, or an outtie because it sticks so far out?!) Either way, I wasn't free for very long. They put a picc line in my arm that runs all the way to my 2-centimeter little heart. Evidently there's a quota for how many tubes have to be attached to a baby here. Don't they know I weigh only $1.92 in pennies?

But the good news is that I weigh about 80 grams more today than I did when I was born! I figure since my dad and others are gaining weight during the break that I may as well join them. The doctor says the weight is good, but he says I must've overdone it on the sweets. Evidently the sugar in my blood is pretty high right now, and that needs to get balanced.

The good news is that I'm weaning from the oxygen and ventilator, the super bright lights for the bilirubin are turned off for now, and my right eye is getting close to opening (I try really hard to open my eyes when I hear my mommy's voice. My daddy is always telling me how beautiful she is, but I want to see her myself!).

Thank you for praying me to those milestones. Could I ask you for another favor though? Could you keep the doctors and nurses in your prayers as well? They get pretty tired taking care of me, and someone needs to take care of them too.

Anyway, sorry for the long-winded email. I guess that's what happens when you eat too much sugar and lie around in your incubator all day. I love you all!

Marshall

The Best Hardest Christmas Ever!

This Christmas can definitely be defined as my most difficult and at the same time best Christmas ever.  My lifelong dream of becoming a mother finally came true.  With the fulfillment of that dream came more worry and heartache than I have had to experience up to now.

Christmas day was also a contradiction of feelings.  The previous night I had been released from the ICU and moved back to the post partum floor.  We had been hoping to go home for Christmas.  Christmas morning we got to talk with Tyler's sister Katelyn, serving in Holland over three way facetime.  She told us she had prayed and felt everything would be okay.  She said she told her mission president that she was doing the most important thing she could be doing now - helping bring others to the joy that we have in the Gospel.  Then we got to watch my family open presents over facetime.  All those things made me homesick.

Christmas afternoon the doctor came and said that my platelets, while not back to where they should be, were on an upward trend - the right direction; and my liver enzymes, not yet where they should be either, were on a downward trend - also the right direction.  He said with everything trending in the right direction, and follow up appointments scheduled with doctors, that he would be okay to release me.  At his words I felt an initial leap of excitement, followed by a sadness and dread to be further away from my little boy.  My dreams came true, but in a different way than I ever expected.  I always imagined spending days and weeks holding my baby, kissing him, loving him, and providing his every need.  Instead, I have to leave him in the hospital and shuttle back and forth to see him.  I don't get to provide his every need, because I am unable to right now.  That is provided by his nurses and doctors and I find myself fighting jealousy that all I can do is look, talk, sing quietly to him and pray.  I was excited to leave the hospital, but hated to leave it!

We had missed lots of family time and celebrations during our week in the hospital, and were happy to be home, spending time with those we loved.  I was happy that Tyler would finally have a nice bed to sleep in, instead of chairs or tiny pull out beds, and for the distraction of the excitement of Christmas - but the biggest part of my heart was left in a little NICU basinette, where the best Christmas present ever was sleeping.