Sunday, March 3, 2013

Code Blue

I've never seen so many people around me before! So many new faces and very concerned voices. I had been pretty tired since yesterday, and only managed to open one eye to look around every once in awhile. My dad kept calling me pirate-eye, but I don't know what that means. I slept through the night and most of this morning, too tired to move much. I was also feeling pretty hot - which was nice at first because my feet and hands have been so cold - and soon became uncomfortable. That's when I noticed all the people around me.

It all went by in a flash, and I only caught glimpses of everything that was happening. My incubator was open. A green bag was blowing big breaths into my lungs. There was more beeping. Someone was pushing on my chest really hard. One nurse said something about Epinephrine. I heard my old friend the Oscillator turn on. I started shaking. I stopped shaking and the green bag was back. Then I started shaking again. And then my mommy and daddy were there.

They told me later that I was just leveling out when they arrived. The shaking got more and more intense from the oscillator as the doctor adjusted the settings to stabilize me. Finally, after there was enough oxygen in my blood and not too much carbon dioxide, the amplitude on the vent came to rest at 44 and the mean pressure at 28. Those numbers are a whole lot bigger than ever before. If you don't believe how high they are, just watch my whole body quake.

When things started to calm down, my parents held my hands and feet, and my mom sang for me. With doctors and nurses and technicians all around us, she sang to me songs of peace (my favorites are Abide with Me, 'Tis Eventide; Be Still my Soul; and Edelweiss). I opened my eyes now and then to look up. My dad was worried and kept mentioning that I was just staring off into space. I wish he could've seen what I saw. It would help him worry a lot less if he could see who else has been with the three of us, resting strong hands on our shoulders. I did start looking at my parents too, and they seemed to like that.

I'm getting sleepy again. But before I go, I should probably mention the cause of all of this. The doctors say they think it is an infection: most likely a bacterial infection in my blood from my picc line. It gave me a fever, made me lethargic, and caused my lungs to fill with fluid. So now I have an IV in my foot, another on my head, and the picc line in my arm for now. Each line is connected to a machine that is giving me antibiotics, bicarbonate, fluids, and the sedative that is making me slowly fall asleep. With all these fluids going in, I'm starting to live up to one of my nicknames by looking white and puffy like a "marshmallow."

The next two days could be pretty rough, but it'll all work out. My mom and dad are by my side, and Heavenly Father is on my side. I also have the greatest nurses, respiratory therapists, and two doctors instead of one: the one on-call, and the one who has a few days off but came in anyway when he heard I was struggling. They are my heroes.


  1. There are absolutely angels around your little guy, and you two. You're in our prayers!

  2. you guys are the best. im so sorry for your loss.