Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Life Through The Eyes of a Child

Most of the posts by Marshall are written by my wonderful husband.  I have taken the opportunity to write a couple of them.  It has been a blessing to me to try to view our experiences through the eyes of a child, and put them into words.  Children trust.  Children believe what you tell them.  Children love you unconditionally.  Children forgive.  It is no wonder that Christ tells us to "become as little children".

My faith has been strengthened as I view life in a child-like manner.  As I have written the words for Marshall, they have resounded truth loudly in my heart.  I am loved.  Angels truly are watching over us.   God does care about the tiny things in our lives, but he cares even more about our well-being.  He wants us to come to Him.  Not hesitantly, as we do as adults, but with all the enthusiasm and energy that young children display when they are bounding back toward the ones they love!

I don't know how many of you know, I have struggled with severe depression since at least the age of 12.  I have always had a hard time believing people love me, believing that God loves me.  I often can't feel it, even when I pray.  Yet logically, I know He loves me, because I have always felt His love for others, and it doesn't make sense that it would apply to everyone else, and not me.  I have often blamed myself that I'm not good enough or strong enough to feel or hear the answer, while at the same time telling myself that you don't have to be "good enough" to receive an answer to prayer - you just have to be earnestly seeking.  And I was.  So what was/is my problem?  Part of it may be my intent or desire (I can always improve that), but I believe that a large part of it is my earthly challenge to test my faith and bring me ultimately closer to my Heavenly Father.  I don't often get to FEEL it and in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints we talk a lot about feeling.  That is the way we often describe how you can know the Book of Mormon or the Gospel is true.  Through a feeling within yourself.  I have tested those things, and gotten that feeling.  Yet, I rarely get that feeling to reinforce my individual worth.  But I know it.  I am learning to trust the things that I know, and when I really need it, the Lord will give me the feeling of truth.  I am learning that sometimes the answers to my prayers don't always come in the feeling, or way that I desire.  God knows better than I what I need.

I really do believe that Marshall can see angels.  That they comfort and strengthen him.  I know that he views these experiences in the way we have described, with faith and hope but even more perfectly than we can imagine.  I know that when Marshall's sat's (oxygen levels) went up after I prayed that he could be comforted by angels when I couldn't touch him, it was an evidence for ME, not Marshall.  He's seen them all along.  And as I wrote about the experience from his child-like faith, I was blessed with one of the rare times when I did FEEL His love for ME.  Not only for my sweet baby Marshall, whom everyone loves, not only for my wonderful husband and family, not only for the strangers on the street that I can feel love for - I felt his love for ME.

While writing and sharing our experiences as if through Marshall's eyes, through faith-filled, hope-inspired, awe-struck, believing eyes, I have received confirmation again and again that faith in God works, that He will help us through any experience, that He knows better than I what is best for me and all those around me, and that He loves everyone, including me.

It's refreshing to trust so whole-heartedly.  I suggest you give it a try.  Think of what Marshall might say of your challenges now, or what your child might say, or a little one that you love!  As in life, I may have to learn this again (us adults can lose sight of truth awfully easily sometimes) but it sure feels good to know these things now.  I sure feel like I need it.  I'm thankful for my beautiful child that is teaching me so much without even opening his mouth.

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