I am tired.
Have you ever felt, while you were dreaming, that you couldn't open your eyes? And you know how when you did manage to open them, you could only do so part way, and only for a short time? That's how I feel all the time.
I felt great the last few days. I opened my eyes a lot, I got out of my incubator to be held by mommy and daddy, and everything seemed to be going great. But now I'm so tired. My doctor and the nurses are trying to figure it out right now. They swabbed my mouth and took more blood to start some cultures. Maybe it's an infection, maybe it's pneumonia, maybe it's a yeast problem. I don't know. I'm getting antibiotics just in case, so maybe that will help.
It was getting harder and harder to breathe this morning too. Eventually I was getting 100% oxygen and still struggling. It's much better this evening, but my blood gasses are off - lots of CO2 build-up and low pH - and I'm all congested as well. I get drool all over my face and bed, but I'm too tired to bother. The settings on the ventilator have gone up as well and the nurse says that if things don't get better, I might have to use the oscillator again.
I don't mean to worry you (I know my parents can't help it), but I could sure use your prayers. I don't want to go back on the oscillator if I don't have to. And I sure was enjoying all the interaction with my parents. In the long run, it'll all work out, I know. I just hope I don't have to take too many steps backwards before 'the long run' gets here.
I hope you don't feel too sad. I'll be alright, I promise. But I'll make you a deal. I'll post a happy video to cheer you up if you say a little prayer for me and my family.
Sometimes, when I'm lucky, my mommy gives me a taste of her milk on the end of a cotton swab. I like it (I like trying to look at it too)!